Panty Raider starts out with a half decent sophomoric video setting up the idea of the game. Three aliens, one who talks like a stoned out surfer, one that sounds like Cheech Marin from Cheech and Chong, and a third who's not all that distinguishing. It seems these aliens are excited by a lingerie magazine from Earth that somehow managed to make it all the way across the universe for them to drool over. Why aliens like Earth girls, I don't know, but these ones sure do so they've abducted a geek from Earth to go get pictures for them. I guess they're just not skillful enough to do it themselves and if they abducted anyone other than geek (who's supposed to represent you, I guess us computer gamers are still geeks), it wouldn't be very realistic or inspire the "geek" playing the game.

Okay ? well enough about the background, you can read up all that on the back of the box. The game itself is well ? dismal. This is basically yet another Deer Hunter styled game. Deer Hunter you say? Yes, that's what I said. It's basically the same engine and gameplay you've seen in every previous Deer Hunter clone. I haven't actually played Deer Avenger, but I'm going to assume that this is the exact same engine. You start out on an objectives screen. The three aliens are only looking for certain kinds of underwear, so they'll let you know what you need to look for. You then move on to the map screen and you pick a place to go. The map isn't exactly all that thrilling, there's some beach area, some grassy areas, and some ancient ruins. Once you pick your spot you're transported there to find "babes" to shoot with your camera. Now this is where it gets a little advanced, maybe breaking outside the borders established by previous hunting games. You're given various tools for attracting and picking out your "prey." First, you get the "booty call," giving you a good number of overused and particularly lame pickup lines, ranging from "I lost my number, can I have yours?" to the time honored "Hey babe what's your sign?" After you've attracted a "babe," you need to find out if she's wearing the goods or not, so they've given you a superman-rivaling x-ray vision device for checking out the ladies. HOO BOY! AIN'T THAT ORIGINAL? I thought so. If she doesn't have what you're looking for, she just runs off. If she does, you move to the next step, keeping her distracted. You drop out a few "traps" like mirrors and she'll go over and stand by them, allowing you to move on to business, getting her down to her skivvies. The aliens have provided with some goop that makes clothing disappear (hmmm I always thought alcohol worked well myself). You get to throw this goop on them and then they start running around until you've hit them three times, at which point they're in the lingerie you need to photograph (no, you can't get them naked, this isn't porno). Bust out the camera, get them in the viewfinder for long enough, and click you've got your picture.

Um, that's really all there is to the game. Basically you have ten minutes to do that three times. After you do, the game's over. Yes, that's right in less than ten minutes you can beat the game. Replay value? well unless you like bad cartoon chicks in underwear, there isn't any. This won't even get a horny fourteen year old excited, though, with the simple nature of the game, I guess it can be played one handed.

There's not really much else to say about this game. Save $15-20 and go rent American Pie if you want decent sophomoric humor and ? even real nudity! There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming in this game. The fifteen minutes I spent playing were well, fifteen minutes that could have been better used doing more important things like picking the lint out of my belly button or scratching my ass. I can't believe Simon and Schuster actually came up with this idea in the first place, and I hope for the love of God, that no one's so horny/naïve/disturbed to actually purchase this game. S&S, STOP ADVERTISING THIS $#&%, it's pure and utter garbage. This, hands down, takes the cake for the most worthless computer game to ever occupy the shelves at Walmart.

Highs: Nothing whatsoever other than I could count the score on my fingers

Lows: Everything